“I suppose it is like the ticking crocodile isn’t it? Time is chasing after all of us”
It’s cliche to say it, but what a difference a year makes. Today I find myself living independently and working, rather than studying and utilising a student loan. Gone are the spontaneous nights out with copious amounts of alcohol, replaced by the return of a ‘bed-time’ and early starts. But here I am.
A lot has changed over the past twelve months. The first major change was being awarded an Upper Second Class BA (Hons) Degree in Drama Studies by Bath Spa University. A second change has come about through my photography. At first nothing but a hobby, I now find myself using it as a lynch-pin for numerous plans and ideas.
2014 wasn’t all fun and games though. I don’t know whether or not, in years to come, I will look back upon this year with great sadness or great fondness. Before I go any further, I just want to let you all know that I dislike change. I cannot stress enough how little a fan I am of change. It scares me. A lot. Still, each new year brings about some sort of change change. However, the extent of the change this year has been something that I have really struggled with. Unfortunately, the repercussions weren’t always pleasant and has definitely taken it’s toll on my nearest and dearest.
“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it”
It may come as a surprise to many who studied alongside me that twice in as many months I came close to packing it all in and quitting University at the start of 2014. Disillusioned and struggling, I couldn’t think of anywhere I wanted to be less. Yet I persevered and not only was a awarded a First for my Dissertation, I wrote, directed and produced a play that I will forever be proud of. In those hard moments though, what kept me going was the faces I would see every day. Strangers who had become friends and friends who had become family. I guess that was my biggest struggle. Saying goodbye. Having 50+ people who you were in contact with every day move away, either back home or to pastures new. It left an emptiness inside. In that respect, Graduation holds the honour of being both my greatest day and my worst day of 2014.
As the seasons changed and September rolled around again, it truly hit me that my life as a student was over. That I needed to adjust my lifestyle to suit the needs of the life to which I would live, rather than used to live. This… adjustment has taken longer that I would have liked, with some setbacks – both minor and major – occurring along the way. But now I can feel it beginning to take shape and I am slowly learning to reap the rewards. At the end of November something happened that has since provided me with a fresh perspective. A new lease of life. A second chance. Since them, I haven’t looked back.
Obviously some days are harder than others, but I know I can approach 2015 with a glint in my eye and my head held high, because what a year I have in front of me.
“Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it”
Without a shadow of a doubt, 2015 will be my best year yet. Why? Because this is the year I reclaim my life for my own. This year is all about me. About what I can do. About what I can show. About standing up to be counted. About making stories, memories. About walking the walk and not just talking the talk.
It’s all about that first step and you know what? I’ve already made it. After all, “to live will be an awfully big adventure”.